To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in
Downtown Savannah night before last.
1:43 am . E.S.T.
I was the guy
wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded
that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife
on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You
also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I
can only hope that you somehow come across this
rather important message.
First, I'd like to
apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect
you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my
pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was
not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a
reason.. my girlfriend was happy that I just
returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine
in Afghanistan .. She had just bought me that Kimber
Custom Model 1911
..45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked
up a shoulder holster for it that very evening.
Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating
weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!
I know it probably
wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from
with crap in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse
walking bare-footed since I made you leave your
shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That
prevented you from calling or running to your
buddies to come help mug us again].
After I called
your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your
cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd
done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well
as those of four other people in the gas station, --
on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home
took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes
to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along
with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his
I then threw your
wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was
parked at the curb ..... after I broke the
windshield and side window and keyed the entire
driver's side of the car.
Earlier, I managed
to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's
office and one to the FBI, while mentioning
President Obama as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed
really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess
while he traced your number etc.). ;In a way,
perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ...
but I feel this type of retribution is a far more
appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I
wish you well as you try to sort through some of
these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only
hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon,
and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've
chosen to pursue in life.. Remember, next time you
might not be so lucky. Have a good day!
yours, Semper Fi,