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1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God and I didn't |
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2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. |
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3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me! |
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4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. |
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5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. |
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6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. |
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7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me |
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8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. |
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9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. |
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10.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing. |
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11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. |
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12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning
medicine. |
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13. God must love stupid people; He made so many. |
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14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. |
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15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. |
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16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? |
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17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it! |
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18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew
up |
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19.. Procrastinate Now! |
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20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That? |
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21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. |
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22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance |
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23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere! |
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24..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken. |
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25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead. |
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26..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up
three
thousand times the memory. |
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27..Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment
for a pig. |
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28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music. |
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29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson. |
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30.. I smile! because I don't know what the hell is going on. |
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